re-entry.

As the currents of life have pulled me in and pushed me out again, I’ve lost touch. I haven’t written for years – not here, not anywhere. I think of it often, like a lost love.

I read old posts and feel like I’m having coffee with my former self. Now, 3.5 years into mothering, monumental shifts have occurred — shifts in my interests, abilities, body, sense of style, perceptions of the world, interest in sharing. I am no longer the same person I was when I started this blog years ago. I am far more interested in the inner life of women than the outer garments that cloak us. I want to unpack the evolution that happens when girl becomes mother.

I still love aesthetics. I am the same organization enthusiast with a deep appreciation for beautiful clothing and spaces. All of that is a part of me. But there is more. A new dimension was born with my two children.

A very wise woman told me — you are only evolving, never devolving. The idea that we don’t go back brings me so much comfort and peace. After experiencing difficult periods or major transitions, it is easy to feel behind, like we’ve missed something, or should be elsewhere.

But in truth, we are here. We haven’t lost anything at all, merely gained.

On the journey with you, uncovering what it means to be a balanced and whole woman and mother in this complex world.

A mother AND.

A year goes by…

…new work, pregnancy, a new home.

Another year goes by…

…a baby, a new identity overnight.

And here I stand. In the whirlwinds of change, I have not created space for writing. I’ve been busy riding the waves, feeling the currents of emotion, arriving in this totally new realm that is motherhood, womanhood, adulthood.

I know somewhere deep inside that nothing has washed away or been cast aside. But I also know that my life will never be the same. I am not the same.

This little man joined me on the scene last March.

The advice poured in: sleep while the baby sleeps, don’t lose yourself, make time for you and your partner. Pregnant, I thought it all made sense — if anyone could do it, I could. After all, I spent years doing the inner and outer work to take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, before choosing to try to get pregnant. I had set boundaries, changed careers, confronted ugly parts of myself, navigated relationships and even moved countries. But nothing was as earth shattering as this.

Nothing/no-one deepens my capacity to love and challenges me beyond belief like this tiny human. Equal parts miraculous, beautiful, painful and terrifying, this journey into motherhood has been nothing short of trying.

Photo by Maria Vicencio Photography

And although it has been a roller coaster ride over the last two years, I still think of you. Between diaper changes, night wake ups, playing and laundry loads, I think of writing. I think of sharing my feelings and thoughts with other women. I think of Wardrobe Vibrancy, of celebrating new possibilities in style and in life. And I think of continuing to foster a community of supportive women who lift each other up and celebrate and elevate the realities of daily life.

With the intention to get back to it, I make this reclamation: it is possible to be a mother AND a creative. It is possible to be a mother AND have a career. It is possible to be a mother AND a dreamer. It is possible to be a mother AND.

wild & free.

I was so lucky to experience an absolutely magical trip to Kauai this January. I came back with a true desire to bring vacation home.

Which led me to ask…

Why do we feel the need to runaway from daily life in order to rejuvenate and get inspired?

How can we feel the high frequency of “vacation” on a daily basis?

First step: Declaring it

This year I am wild & free.

I am flowing with the winds of change, free from resistance, and arriving at my destiny in each moment.

I am exploring the interiors of my mind and the outer workings of the world.

I am keeping my feet grounded on this beautiful earth.

I am aligning with my body and spirit.

I am embracing positivity and blocking negative “reality” from stopping me in my tracks.

I am bringing the spirit of Kauai into my heart and home.

Second step: Letting go of self-doubt

When I first wrote these lines, they were all in future tense. I made a conscious choice to change them all to present tense, embracing THIS moment, right here, right now. As women, we are often quite hard on ourselves. I’m learning that language is a powerful tool for us to reclaim our power. Let’s talk about ourselves from a place of courage and self-love!

I believe that we deserve more than 2 weeks of bliss in a year. I’m devoted to finding ways to bring the magic of vacation into the everyday, thereby raising our frequency and making a positive impact on ourselves and the world around us. Who is with me?